Colorgenics is darn accurate.

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.
--> :)

You like the better things in life. You are sensuous and emotional. You are a follower of the Arts and you seek an environment that will give you the fulfilment to the senses that you need.
-->self-explanatory

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.
-->maybe my thoughts torment me.

From every direction there appear to be unwarranted restrictions on your freedom of action and this is producing considerable stress. You're really looking for independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoiding any obligations or anything which might prove hampering. You are being subjected to considerable pressures and you would like nothing better than to escape from them but you tend to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this. Whichever way you turn you are being frustrated. You need to be free to do your 'thing' in your own way.
-->er. parents la.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!
-->ya. but then. who cares?
i kind of think i disqualify all positives. church is a HUGE PLUS.
i'm not valued for who i am cos there's always scores which bores.

This was what it said last time, which i TOTALLY agree with.
You are a very choosy person - demanding and exacting in your emotional demands and
very particular in your choice of partner. You are self-sufficient and as a result of this overbearing nature you find it difficult to establish any depth of deep involvement with members of the opposite sex.

hurhur.

i think i would not be surprised if i get a crush on others anymore.
hell, you realise that your thoughts triumph over reality,
and you DON'T see clearly when you crush on people.

[i'm a hopeless romantic. its really silly.]

i think i would jump down 15 storeys if anyone has a crush on me man.
i REALLY think i will choke/do something amazingly stupid if that happens.
HAHA.

i will not be entering into a r/ship anytime soon
(as if anyone would want me actually HAHA).
i'm too emotionally confused, immature, and unstable.

well to all bio-ians out there, good luck!
last hurdle, race ends.

 

So. i firmly believe my christian name is God-given.
no doubt about that.
BUT. its not natural i think, since an American once told me 'jess' is UNCOMMON in america even. 'jesse' is far more common BUT it sounds like 'jessie'.
so what if i have an androgynous name.
so do i play ball with my identity>?

haha.
i'm quite an introvert.
i don't like going out more than 3 times a week.
i'm like my father? who's a hardcore loner.
lucky i have church and a comfortable circle of friends.

oh AND i MUST talk about the double jess-eric joke.
it's like funny from my perspective.
do i like all the 3 people? yes.
haha i think 2 are mysterious, and the last i know real well.
or: 2 are introverted, and 1 is extroverted.
(i'm like intro-extro tendencies.)
or: i get along with all of them, in completely different ways.
its REALLY hard to get eric to talk, which the OTHER jess does extremely well.
this is like quite funny.
like i spend like say 3 years knowing him, and she spends 2.
and 3<2.
HAHA. power tends to infinite.

okok that's as far as the joke goes.
i'm glad it turns out this way.

Confusion grips you like a ninja until you throw it off, and impale it on the cross.
of Christ. :)

errr.
jc life...
helped me discover my identity.
in a weird way.
i find that despite my english, summarising who i am in
10 words is impossible.
LIKE. IMPOSSIBLE.
but i guess having a female person with the same name as you helps you to figure yourself out.
and being in an independent HP class with rules unto yourself help to.
being late for school, funny in class, alfred, dominic, and talking randomly to
many people have helped me to realise who i am...
am i a messed up person?
i mean there are times i'm extremely LUCID about who i am.
other times i think i'm un-male.
other times i think i have 2 selfs (the loud and quiet one.)

GP:
kinda dumb. writing about how religion influenced political decisions?
Math:
grrr. if i get. er. E=>excellent.
Lit:
okok really fun.
History:
booooring. miles jokes were interesting though.
Econs:
lest i get seized by Barnard's Inn's spirit, i shan't comment.

ok.
friends made: er. fine.
maybe i wasn't aggressive enough, but i sure was over-aggressive at times.

skills learnt: really. zilch.
interpersonal. yes.
with a co-ed school, you could be shot without learning this.
but of course i can't say my relating skills have improved tremendously.
they probably did to some extent.

intelligence: standard.
i used to study REALLY hard in primary school, hard in sec school, but
not so in jc.
don't ask why.
a confluence of factors perhaps.

i feel.
tired.

 

sat through ninja warrior. m18.
it kinda sits wrong in me.
i wonder how many litres of 'blood' they used.
was able to spot 1 wire in the movie.
informant sucks and got a 4 star rating.
this rawks and got a 2.5 star rating.
straits times got problem one.

anw i got my life direction figured out/
no relationships, just friendships, and
sports, swimming and slacking.

grrr moe teaching internship app NOT successful.
and i wasted like $50 on THAT.

life doesn't pay sometimes.

it hurts to be sensitive.
and i guess some things must be let go.
i really wonder what i will be like 2 years down the road.

wishes:
1. that i will be less emotionally f***ed up
2. that my average spoken sentence length will be like 10 or 15
3. that i can drop my double identity
(ie. i'm v talkative outside, but feel empty inside sometimes).

in fact i really wonder whether my name jess is a blessing or otherwise.
i mean. yup its unique, and stuff.
but i feel that friendships made by my name are like cheating.
HAHA. i think flirting is cheating too.

 

just reading great expectations and laughing out loud about
Pip's love/infatuation/obsession for Estella.
does it remind me of a similar personal experience?
well maybe, but mostly not.

i'm largely free of the stupid thoughts of Pip feeling he's
"assigned to Estella" and falling into his "poor labyrinth".
Nonetheless, i find that "the conventional notion of a lover cannot be always true" since most guys crush on girls for the most senseless reasons.
[oh, it is however true that guys get over crushes/episodes far easier than girls, since the feelings are hard-wired into the brain stem (determines habits like eating.sleeping etc) while the latter's go to the limbic/emotional system of the brain (ie. the mid-brain, amygdala, hippocampus area) that process emotions.
therefore, in this respect (neuroscience/psychology), it would be true to say that girls are affected by their feelings more than guys.]

Dickens describes love as a "wonderful inconsistency into which the best and wisest of men fall [into] every day" (p127). Well, one will have to accept this, since it would be contradictory to deny one's own feelings.

Then our supposed expert in relationships also says "Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day". (p71) Nonetheless, this would be true of BOTH same-sex/opposite gender r/ships, since r/ships are indeed ties that bind.

I really think Pip deserves empathy for his misplaced feelings for Estella, being goaded on by Miss Havisham.

Does this relate to my 18 years of living as a male?
Well lets just say everyone likes the certain members of the opposite gender at teenage years of life, nonetheless i won't see love as a 'wonderful inconsistency', since on an absolute basis, the definition of friendship as 'platonic love' can be seen as an inconsistency then, when it forms a cornerstone of our life.

Therefore I do not agree to Pip's love affair with Estella.
i do concur, however, that i find myself quite affected by feelings,
and i'm quite un-male, despite my outward character.
(I feel emasculated (ie. made less male) by my christian name sometimes, tt can't really be helped larz seriously.)

i, however, do not allow myself to be obsessed with my emotions.
yup.

lit's on tuesday. explains why i post this.

 

I really like school now.
It's so fun, and it's so funny.
and i need to bury myself and be consumed in/consume books
RIGHT NOW.

MEOW:)

 

and a chinese occasion allows me to er. be funny and me.

5.5 standard drinks
(key: 1. let oxygen flow into the brain by yawning
2. maintain your heart rate around your resting heart rate
3. dilute drink (water please)
4. moderate (ie/ don't get crazy and drink 10! standard drinks).)

lol some flamboyant flamenco male guitarists came,and i sang
'I'm Yours' with the lead singer. (er. Jason Mraz)

I am freaking not going to post the video (but it may enter facebook or sth),
but it was DARN FUNNY,
and i brought the house down.

IT WAS A TOTAL SUCCESS.
i have a music talent that i used to raise the atmosphere :)

haha.
i feel super happy now. :)

 

What with XX and XY chromosomes sparking off,
testosterone and oxytocin levels at an all-time high,
alevels around the corner.

One can't help but notice that school life has become so vibrant.

Love is a beautiful thing.
And no one should disrupt a r/ship.
Even if it means going to the extent of dying (figurative, pls don't die),
i strongly feel against stealing r/ships
Its like you're a robber.

:)
no more exams for 40 days.
phew:)

 

where X is the start and Y marks the end.
of exams really.

the past 2 weeks have been mentally tiring for me.
because of
(1)arguments with parents
(2)emotional volatility (rmb i'm highly sensitive, and react emotionally to everything)
(3)exam. not stress, just the pressure to deliver.

yup, :)
CHURCHie....

 

i just solved a proof-like qn. super cool. pareto optimality achieved.
god reigns. shortest post ever.

 

Too chim piano techniques were explained in the yong siew toh piano masterclass by aries caces today.
He went like: dynamic indications are relative rather than absolute.
And the left hand plays a completely diff tune at a diff dynamic as the right hand.

i was awed, in the full sense of the word.